i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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