i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
