he wants to bone in the snuggie
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
