"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
