I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I skipped work to stalk him.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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