How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
