I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
