No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Why is your signature on my underwear?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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