I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Randomize
