R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
