Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
