My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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