I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
