Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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