I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
