you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
