There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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