Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Green mimosas i think yes
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
