Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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