Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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