Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
