i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
