rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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