There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
thus making me awesome and them whores
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
