he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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