he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
