Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
literally had 100 drinks last night.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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