Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
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