I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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