I'm going to rape someone's good day.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
