i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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