respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
