just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
