im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
