I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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