i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
