he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
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