She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
