Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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