You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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