I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
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