i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
