Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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