Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
