At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
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