dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
