In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
