I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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