i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
