I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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