my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
