HIV tests are more positive than that guy
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
