I should be sponsored by Trojan
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize