Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
