Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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