After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
