This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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