Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
