This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
