Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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