Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
