There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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