I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
