I will die if light touches me.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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