so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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