I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
